by Tyler Moody
by Tyler Moody
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - DAY
It's morning in the diner. FRANK cleans the grill as FLETCHER
reads a newspaper at the counter. TAMSIN sits at a booth,
JAMIE on the table in his carrier. And VI stands next to the
booth, tickling Jamie.
VI
Aww, whosa cute little baby? Is it
Jamie? Hmm? Yes!
Fletcher rolls his eyes.
VI (CONT'D)
(tickling Jamie)
How'd his doctor visit go?
TAMSIN
Oh, mommy's angel is in perfect
health. I was worried he wasn't
eating enough, but the doctor said
he was actually a little too big.
(to Jamie)
You're just a big ol' ball of
jelly, aren't you?
Vi giggles and picks Jamie up.
VI
Ooh, he is a heavy one!
She bounces Jamie lightly in her hands.
VI (CONT'D)
Hey, I think his shirt is a little
tight.
TAMSIN
That can't be right, I just bought
it a few days ago.
VI
He's a fast little grower.
FOOTSTEPS on the stairs and MIKE and RANDOM HOOKUP #47 enter
the diner.
MIKE
Hey, guys.
Everyone awkwardly greets Mike and the guy.
MIKE (CONT'D)
(re: hookup)
This is Bruce.
FRANK
(too eager)
How ya doin', Bruce? Enjoy your
stay? Get you some breakfast?
BRUCE
Uh...no thanks. I have to be going.
I've got class.
FRANK
Oh. Well, you know, stop by any
time.
Bruce smiles, leaves. Mike gives everyone in the room, Frank
especially, a look.
FRANK (CONT'D)
What?
MIKE
Was that necessary?
FRANK
I was being polite.
MIKE
You were being a bellhop.
FRANK
I prefer to think of the men you
bring home as patrons of Frank's B
'n' B. That way I don't get too
attached before they disappear.
MIKE
Dude, whatever. I have to get to
class too.
He leaves in a huff.
FLETCHER
Well, that was interesting.
More FOOTSTEPS on the stairs.
TYLER (O.S.)
Just calm down. Corr--
(beat)
Corrine!
TYLER appears, trying to button his shirt with one hand while
on the phone.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Take a couple deep breaths. Get a
glass of water. Yes, Canton is an
asshole. I know that.
Frank raises an eyebrow at Tyler. Tyler points to the phone,
mouths, "Massive freakout."
TYLER (CONT'D)
You'll be fine. Just ignore him.
Vi takes pity on Tyler, crosses the diner and buttons his
shirt for him, smiling. Tyler mouths "Thanks."
TYLER (CONT'D)
Look, I'll be there in half an
hour, we can talk more then. Okay?
(beat)
Don't get mad at me! I -- I --
He hangs up.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Jeez.
FRANK
There's one powder keg of crazy
that's about to go boom.
TYLER
You don't understand. She's...
having problems with work. All day
and all night she's getting it from
the chairman of the board.
FLETCHER
(pervert)
Oh, really?
TYLER
(gross)
I-- jeez, dude, not even a little
bit. He's this crazy old guy, he
won't stop riding her-- dammit.
Frank chuckles.
TYLER (CONT'D)
She's under a lot of pressure.
Guys, I gotta go, I think she might
kill someone.
He waves bye to everyone as he exits the diner.
In his carrier, Jamie YAWNS.
TAMSIN
He's sleepy. Frank, is that room
upstairs still cleared out?
FRANK
Yep. I set up a crib in there too,
so you can just lay him down.
Couple baby monitors, so you can
listen in on him down here.
TAMSIN
Aww, thanks.
She picks up Jamie.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
Come on, big boy. Time for a nap.
She takes Jamie upstairs. Vi grins at Frank.
FRANK
What?
VI
You know a lot about raising
babies?
FRANK
Hey, I would have been a great
father. If I had ever found the
right woman. Or figured out
diapers.
FLETCHER
I think it's cute you have a heart.
Frank's cheeks blush red. He puts on his "hard" face.
FRANK
I will fire your ass. I am not
attached to you, either.
Fletcher and Vi smirk as we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - UPSTAIRS ROOM - DAY
The room is amazingly clean despite the fact that its primary
function is obviously not that of a nursery. Shelves filled
with books, dictionaries and encylopedias line the walls.
A crib and mobile are set up in the center. One of a pair of
baby monitors hangs on the crib rail. Tamsin enters the room,
gently places Jamie down on the blankets.
TAMSIN
Here you go, baby, just go to
sleep.
She spins the mobile. Jamie watches the spaceships go round,
fascinated.
Smiling, Tamsin turns on the baby monitors and takes the
receiver, going back downstairs. She CLOSES THE DOOR behind
her.
We PAN AROUND THE ROOM, slowly coming back to Jamie in the
crib. As we CLOSE ON him, he seems to SWELL AND STRETCH
before us, GROWING. His shirt TEARS from the stress.
And he GIGGLES.
BLACKOUT.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INT. MACROWARE OFFICES - DAY
As Tyler enters the computer company's offices, he is
accosted by CORRINE.
CORRINE
Tyler! Thank God you're here!
TYLER
Well, while I believe God was
responsible in a general sense I
don't think He put me here
directly. But I guess I don't mind
if you give Him the credit.
Corrine pays even less no-attention than usual.
CORRINE
I just got out of a meeting with
the board. Another one. That damn
Canton--
TYLER
(singing softly)
"The man they call Jayne..."
CORRINE
What?
TYLER
I was-- nothing-- it's like a song
from a-- so, Canton, jeez, he's
terrible.
CORRINE
He seem intent on destroying
everything that Jon stood for.
TYLER
Well that's... that's
heartbreaking.
CORRINE
Sometimes, when I'm sitting across
the table from that man...
She trails off. They've been walking through the office this
whole time, and now they're at TYLER'S OFFICE.
CUT TO:
INT. TYLER'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Formerly Jon Bates' office suite, Tyler's desk is positioned
near the door. On the other side of the room is a door
leading to Corrine's inner office.
Tyler sits down at his desk as Corrine leans against it.
CORRINE
(continuing)
...I just want to reach over there
and squeeze his neck till it pops.
Tyler slowly, almost imperceptibly, raises his shoulders to
his chin, covering his neck.
CORRINE (CONT'D)
(matter of fact)
I could do it, you know. I have
that kind of strength. Take about
five seconds.
TYLER
I generally discourage all forms
of, you know, murder.
Corrine SIGHS, the fatigue showing in her face.
CORRINE
It's-- I don't know. Too much.
She reaches into her pocket and takes out a BOTTLE OF PILLS.
Unscrewing the cap, she pops couple in her mouth and dry
swallows them. Tyler looks on, concerned as we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - UPSTAIRS ROOM - DAY
Baby Jamie lays in his crib, COOING SOFTLY, being a good boy.
Tamsin enters the room, poking her head around the edge of
the door. When she sees her son is awake, she bounces inside.
TAMSIN
Hey, baby. How's mommy's big boy?
She picks him up out of his crib, kissing him on the nose.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
What's that?
She moves her hand off his side, spotting the rip in his
shirt.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
Now how did you do that?
But before she investigates further, she SNIFFS THE AIR.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
Ooh, someone needs a change.
She moves to the changing table and goes through the motions
of changing the infant.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
Almost done, baby.
A KNOCK on the door. Fletcher pokes his head in.
FLETCHER
Can I come in?
TAMSIN
If you can stand the smell!
He smiles and enters the room. His faces scrunches up.
FLETCHER
Oh, you weren't kidding.
TAMSIN
Jamie is a bit intense when it
comes to... smelling like a
monster.
Fletcher takes in the scene, Tamsin lovingly re-diapering
Jamie. He smiles.
FLETCHER
Nothing more beautiful than a
mother with her baby.
Tamsin smiles at him, despite herself. But Fletcher isn't
done.
FLETCHER (CONT'D)
Except Emilie de Ravin. God
Almighty, that woman. Blonde,
brunette, I don't care, she is just
the tops.
Tamsin rolls her eyes. She lays Jamie back down in the crib
and hunts through his bag for new clothes.
FLETCHER (CONT'D)
Wasn't he wearing something
already?
TAMSIN
Oh, yeah, but he ripped his little
shirt. He needs another.
Fletcher frowns and leans over Jamie, examining him closely.
FLETCHER
He looks...bigger than he did
downstairs. I mean, not just --
taller, too.
Tamsin finally finds cute enough clothes and comes back,
picking Jamie up.
TAMSIN
Don't be silly. He has always been
this exact size, and this is the
size he always will be, forever.
FLETCHER
Well, that attitude certainly won't
come back to cause you any
disappointment later in life.
TAMSIN
How could he possibly have gotten
bigger? He's been laying up there
the whole time, not rolling around
in a puddle of Miracle-Gro.
She tries to put on Jamie's shirt, first gently tucking his
arms through the holes. But when she tries to put his head
in, the shirt isn't big enough. Or his head is too big.
Either way, she can't get the material around him.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
That's weird. This is a new shirt.
FLETCHER
Maybe you washed it wrong and it
shrank?
TAMSIN
No, I haven't washed it yet,
someone knitted it for me...
The two look down at Jamie, who sits in his crib, shirt
halfway on, smiling back at them. They exchange a serious
look as we:
CUT TO:
INT. MACROWARE OFFICES - BOARDROOM - DAY
Several GREY-HAIRED BOARD MEMBERS sit around the long table.
At the head of the table is MAXWELL CANTON (55), a
distinguished, albeit conceded looking man. He perpetually
looks smug, and now he gives Corrine, one of the only females
in the room, a condescending look.
MAXWELL
Miss DuBois. Since you took over as
president of MacroWare, stock
prices have plunged.
CORRINE
I think that probably had more to
do with the death of the CEO than--
MAXWELL
Your sarcasm, while distinguishing,
is not appreciated. Now, what are
we going to do about this
situation?
Corrine clenches her jaw.
CORRINE
Well frankly, I don't feel that
purchasing plants in Columbia is
the strategic course of action.
(beat)
I recommend scaling back, focusing
on smaller software development. I
thought we'd start with a more
efficient word processor; after
Microsoft's recent trouble it
seemed like a smart move.
Canton waves his hand. Business is not his actual purpose
here.
MAXWELL
Scaling back? Yes, yes. Speaking of
scaling back, let's talk for a
moment about your assistant, er--
He checks the notes in front of him.
MAXWELL (CONT'D)
-- Tyler McMann.
CORRINE
(firmly)
McGann.
MAXWELL
Yes, of course. He seems relatively
inexperienced for such a sensitive
position.
Corrine cocks an eyebrow.
CORRINE
What are you implying?
MAXWELL
Are you... attracted to this boy?
Corrine squeezes her eyes shut, bites her bottom lip,
supremely frustrated as we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - COMMAND CENTRAL - DAY
Fletcher, Tamsin, and Jamie are in the high-tech cavern that
serves as the team's base of operations. Jamie lies on a
medical bed, electrodes and wires attached to him. He looks
very confused.
Fletcher sits in front of a computer which is monitoring the
readings from Jamie's wires. Behind him, Tamsin paces
worriedly. She bites her fingernail.
TAMSIN
What's happening?
FLETCHER
I don't have enough information
yet.
TAMSIN
(impatiently)
Well, hurry up.
He looks at her over his shoulder, confused. Not what he was
expecting.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
I'm too nervous to be pithy!
FLETCHER
That one wasn't so bad under the
circumstances.
(beat)
Maybe we should call the other.
TAMSIN
What's the point? We're the smart
ones.
Fletcher nods as in the little bed, Jamie begins to CRY.
Tamsin rushes over, picks him up, kisses the top of his head.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
Shh, shh, baby, it's okay, mommy's
here. Mommy's here. Everything will
be okay.
Fletcher turns in his chair.
FLETCHER
If you could just put him down,
please. You're interfering with the
computer.
Tamsin gives him the fiercest Mamma Bear Stare in recorded
history.
FLETCHER (CONT'D)
(emasculated)
Well. I'll just. Go back to this.
He turns back to the computer monitor, resting his chin in
his hand. Tamsin gently rubs Jamie's head, as he slowly STOPS
CRYING.
CUT TO:
INT. MACROWARE OFFICES - COPY ROOM - DAY
Tyler stands at the copy machine, waiting patiently as his
document collates. Corrine passes by the door, almost visibly
fuming. She reaches into her pocket for her pill bottle.
Tyler looks up and sees her.
TYLER
Corrine!
He chases after her.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Corrine Corrine Corrine.
CORRINE
What?
TYLER
How'd the meeting go?
CORRINE
They asked me if I wanted to...
(pained expression)
..."bone" you.
Tyler looks at her blank faced for a moment, the comment
sending his brain into overload.
TYLER
Well, me and Callie already decided
no threesomes, so...
CORRINE
Shut up and I won't kill you.
Tyler stops talking, but he doesn't stop following Corrine.
They reach TYLER'S OFFICE.
CUT TO:
INT. TYLER'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Corrine walk though the outer office without a pause and into
her inner office. Tyler enters without being invited in.
CUT TO:
INT. CORRINE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Corrine sits down behind her desk. Tyler sits in a chair in
front of her.
For a long, long beat, Corrine stares at Tyler.
CORRINE
What?
TYLER
You look tense.
CORRINE
Well, thanks for that deduction,
Mr. Holmes.
TYLER
(sighs)
People have made this mistake
before. I know I am just as mind
bendingly sexy as Robert Downey,
Jr., but it's still me. Tyler.
Corrine turns away from him, looking out her big window.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Look, Corrine, I think you need to
go out and relax.
CORRINE
Out? Out? All I do that's "out" is
stake vampires, hunt snot demons,
and get thrown in dumpsters by rock
monsters.
TYLER
(beat)
I know what I'm about to propose is
gonna seem weird. Hear me out:
D'you wanna have dinner with me?
Corrine frowns as we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - COMMAND CENTRAL - DAY
Tamsin holds Jamie in the corner. The baby is now free of any
wiring. Fletcher scrolls down on the computer screen,
squinting, analyzing closely.
FLETCHER
You're not going to like this.
TAMSIN
My baby just got hooked up to a
devil-hunting machine. I already
don't like it.
FLETCHER
Point.
(re: the computer)
The tests would indicate something
I've never seen before.
TAMSIN
What's that?
FLETCHER
According to this, Jamie's cells
are rapidly degenerating. The
excision of his telomeres alone --
(off Tamsin's look)
He's aging too fast. Incredibly
fast. It's...exponential.
TAMSIN
What do you mean?
FLETCHER
Unless something's done...
(beat)
...he'll grow up, grow old, and die
in just a few days.
And we rapidly PUSH IN on Jamie, watching Fletcher from
Tamsin's arms. He GIGGLES.
BLACKOUT.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
EXT. BURGER KING - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING
Cars pull into the parking lot of the drive through
restaurant.
CUT TO:
INT. BURGER KING - CONTINUOUS
Corrine and Tyler sit at a table in the middle of the
restaurant, drinks on the table. Corrine looks out of place
in her business suit.
CORRINE
This is a little bit weird.
Tyler looks around.
TYLER
Yeah, I forgot Chuckie's was
closed.
Corrine shakes her head.
CORRINE
No.
She motions at herself and Tyler. Tyler gets her meaning.
TYLER
We're just two friends hanging out.
We've done it before.
CORRINE
What are we doing here? I have work
I need to do.
TYLER
You're overworked as it is. You're
going to take an hour and a half,
relax, eat some good food, and
chill out.
Corrine taps her foot impatiently.
TYLER (CONT'D)
I'm just trying to be helpful.
Corrine rolls her eyes as we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - UPSTAIRS ROOM - NIGHT
Jamie sits in his crib, playing happily with some toys. He
appears to be a one year old. Fletcher and Tamsin pace back
and forth in the room, whispering to each other.
TAMSIN
What are we going to do?
FLETCHER
I have no idea! Babies aren't my
thing! The internal geography
unique to women terrifies me to the
point of incoherence.
TAMSIN
All that, but you sure do spend a
lot of time trying to get us into
bed!
FLETCHER
I like the outsides!
Tamsin leans her head back against the wall.
TAMSIN
What could cause something like
this? Maybe a demon or a spirit or
something breathed juice on him and
now he grows fast.
FLETCHER
That's unlikely. I've never read of
any demon that causes rapid aging.
For one thing, it's just too
noticeable, the creature would
never survive from an evolutionary
standpoint.
TAMSIN
Well, something has to be causing
this! It doesn't just...happen!
FLETCHER
It could be like that Benjamin
Button guy. Only, you know,
backwards.
TAMSIN
(frustrated)
"Benjamin Button" backwards is real
life! This is like "Big," without
the annoying male lead.
(thinks for a beat)
Well, actually, you've got that
part down pretty well, huh?
FLETCHER
(beat)
You could have just said it was a
bad idea.
CUT TO:
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