by Tyler Moody
by Tyler Moody
TEASER
FADE IN:
EXT. WELSH FOREST - DAY
TITLE OVER: 2001
BILLIE is single-handedly taking on an entire clan of EKEMU
DEMONS, basically anthropomorphic dogs. She blocks lefts and
rights, every now and then getting in her own KICKS and
PUNCHES.
BILLIE
How's it going over there, Frank?
She draws a GUN.
When Frank answers, it's in an exhausted, beaten voice.
FRANK (O.S.)
Almost done!
BILLIE
Well, do take your time!
She FIRES THREE SHOTS, dropping one of the demons. When one
of them LUNGES at her, all teeth and claws and fur, she ROLLS
behind a tree for cover.
BILLIE (CONT'D)
This is really very easy to do
alone.
FRANK (O.S.)
I am having my own difficulties,
thank you!
Billie peers out from behind the tree, POPPING two more
demons between the eyes.
BILLIE
Well, if you want to trade off...
Finally we PAN OVER to FRANK, who's flailing around madly as
a winged SIX-INCH TALL LITTLE GIRL bounces against his face.
It's a lot like paddle-ball.
FRANK
Shut up!
The Pixie, PRAXX, GIGGLES in the most sinister way imaginable
and flies in circles around Frank's head. He tries to swat
her, but winds up SMACKING HIMSELF IN THE NOSE.
FRANK (CONT'D)
God Dammit!
GUN SHOTS.
BILLIE
For the love of Christ, Frank, it's
only a pixie. Just pop it already!
FRANK
I'm working on it, woman!
Praxx will have none of it, however. She flies round Frank's
head a beat longer, then drives her full, albeit slight,
weight into the top of Frank's head.
He falls down.
Billie blows the penultimate Ekemu demon's head off.
Praxx flies up Frank's nose. He SNEEZES, and the golden blur
launches out, clutching a fistful of Frank's nose hair. Frank
quickly reaches into his pocket and pulls out a miraculously
unbroken bottle, inscribed with strange runes.
FRANK (CONT'D)
(strange language)
Eberrath intatum!
Green energy swirls out of the bottle just as Praxx flies
towards Frank. The energy acts like a vacuum, sucking Praxx
in to the bottle. She SCREAMS as she's pulled inside, the
green energy following her. Frank pops the top onto the
bottle, sealing it shut.
FRANK (CONT'D)
(breathless)
In your face, you sawed-off pixie
hooker!
He's so busy celebrating his victory, he doesn't notice the
last Ekemu demon creeping up on him. It ROARS.
Frank turns.
The demon's head EXPLODES covering Frank with bloody debris.
It falls.
Billie stands behind the demon, gun pointed where the demon
used to be, still smoking.
FRANK (CONT'D)
Now that's badass.
BILLIE
"In your face?"
FRANK
(defensivly)
I've heard it said.
BILLIE
You should... just, never.
FRANK
(shrugging)
All right, fine.
He holds up the bottle.
FRANK (CONT'D)
What do we do with this?
BILLIE
Bury it?
Frank looks at the bottle.
FRANK
(smirking)
Just hand the man a shovel.
"Welcome Home" by Coheed and Cambria begins to play.
FADE TO:
EXT. WELSH FOREST - DAY
TITLE OVER: "Present Day."
The camera fades to what looks like the same location except
now there is no sign of Frank, Billie, or any demon corpses.
A TREE FALLS, a chainsaw blade whirring behind it.
BOOTED FEET walk over the torn-up roots. A BULLDOZING CREW is
apparently tearing down the forest.
A TILLING MACHINE plows up the dirt, digging deep. We PAN
DOWN to Praxx's bottle, finally exposed after eight years. A
bulldozer rolls over it, the glass CRACKING.
Praxx flies up, right into the camera, and we see her face--
that of a young girl. She grins, all fangs and angles. She
opens her hand, and in her palm, she's still clutching
Frank's hair. She brings it to her nose and SNIFFS DEEPLY.
The hair falls to the ground. And in a FLASH, she's gone,
flying quickly away into the sky.
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - DAY
FRANK, FLETCHER, VI, MIKE, and TAMSIN sit around the counter,
various files and folders open in front of them. They're
reviewing current cases. JAMIE sit at a table reading a stack
of books.
FRANK
What about this one? Those walking
skeletons?
TAMSIN
No, no, we put them down. And
anyway, the two-week window has
passed already, they'll have fallen
apart.
FRANK
Oh, right. What's next?
VI
What about those bird thingies?
FLETCHER
Migrated.
VI
Oh.
(beat)
What?
Fletcher LAUGHS.
FLETCHER
We burned the last nest a few days
ago.
(beat)
Now, here's something. Another
Wilcox kid has gone missing. That
makes four now.
Mike swipes the chart Fletcher is looking at. Mike looks at
the page before him and squints his eyes.
MIKE
What are you talking about? I don't
see any--
Without even looking, Fletcher reaches over and rotates the
chart. Mike looks again.
MIKE (CONT'D)
Oh, hey, yeah.
Frank whaps Mike on the back of the head.
FLETCHER
And Tamsin got us an ID on Hester
and Silas' friend.
He produces another file.
FRANK
(to Tamsin; jokingly)
And it only took you a week.
FLETCHER
(too defensively)
Tracking down an arrogant English
vamp with a fondness for knife-play
was easy. It was trying to pull
data off those old Watcher's
Council hard drives that was the
hard part. She had to piece
together files--
Realizing he went a bit overboard, Fletcher catches himself
and gives Tamsin an embarrassed smile. Everyone else gives a
knowing smile.
TAMSIN
He's called Zachariah. Apparently
the three of them used to be quite
"close".
This perks Mike's curiosity.
MIKE
(lasciviously)
How close?
Another whap from Frank.
FLETCHER
Still no progress on what they're
looking for though.
We slowly PULL BACK as the team continues talking, until
finally we--
FADE TO:
EXT. FRANK'S DINER - CONTINUOUS
Hovering outside the window is Praxx.
PRAXX's POV
She stares intently at Frank. Something catches her eye. It's
Jamie. Her eyes soften for a beat before she returns her
attention to Frank.
BACK TO SCENE
Praxx smiles, cruelly. Her eyes light up bright gold, filling
the screen, and we:
WHITEOUT.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INT. TAMSIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Early in the morning. JAMIE sits on the couch in a school
uniform, clearly uncomfortable. TAMSIN enters, carrying a
tray of breakfast food.
JAMIE
Mom, I don't wanna go to school!
TAMSIN
I am utterly shocked to hear a
child voice such an opinion. Truly
this is a landmark day. Besides,
Dartwell Academy is a very
prestigious school. Do you realize
how many documents your Uncle Simon
had to forge for you to--
She catches herself as she puts the tray on the coffee table
in front of him.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
Eat up. You need your strength. And
I need to get rid of these eggs.
JAMIE
Golly, thanks.
TAMSIN
Golly?
JAMIE
I was watching old movies last
night.
Tamsin's mother senses tingle.
TAMSIN
When, exactly?
JAMIE
Uh... just... later. At night. You
know. When it got dark.
TAMSIN
You stayed up too late again,
didn't you?
Jamie starts eating, not meeting his mother's eyes.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
Jamie, come on. You need sleep to
function. You're not immortal.
JAMIE
Exactly. I'm not going to live
forever. Why do I have to waste my
time in school? I'm already smart.
I was packaged smart. I came out of
the box a genius.
TAMSIN
(mutters)
You "came out of the box" on the
floor of a steakhouse.
JAMIE
Hmm?
TAMSIN
Nothing. Look, sweetie, I know
you're smart. I just want you to
spend some time around children
your own age.
JAMIE
I'm like a month old.
TAMSIN
Shh! Jamie! You can't tell anyone
that. They'll think you're insane.
JAMIE
Like I'll be so accepted otherwise.
I watch TV, remember?
(sarcastically)
American schools love smart
children.
Tamsin flounders for an argument, finally settling on:
TAMSIN
You just eat your eggs.
Jamie frowns and shoves the fork in his mouth as we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - DAY
Frank wipes down the counter. Vi, wearing her waitress's
apron, sits at the bar, spinning on the chair. The diner is
otherwise empty. Frank has a small piece of tissue paper
under his chin. Vi notices this.
VI
Cut yourself shaving?
Frank rubs the cut with his finger.
FRANK
Yeah, I've been doing that more and
more lately. Damndest thing.
He removes the paper, and a tiny drop of blood rolls down.
It's followed by a steady but thin stream.
VI
Not healed yet.
Frank GRUMBLES and goes to the back. The BELL on the door
rings and a MAN and WOMAN enter. They look around, then take
a booth near the door. Vi GASPS and grabs an order pad off
the counter, pulling her pencil out of her hair. She walks
over to the couple.
VI (CONT'D)
Hey guys!
MAN
Uh... hi?
VI
Welcome to Frank's. What can I get
you?
WOMAN
I don't know, we've never been here
before. What's good?
VI
Uh... we have... like...
She's groping for words, utterly stumped.
VI (CONT'D)
...he makes...hamburgers?
MAN
Sounds good. Can we get two of
those with fries?
VI
Yes. Sounds perfect!
She scribbles the order down and bounces back to the kitchen.
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Frank is applying more paper to his face. Vi enters, excited.
VI
Frank! Frank! Frank! Frank!
FRANK
What?
VI
We have customers.
FRANK
Huh?
VI
You know. Mythical beasts. Four
limbed, red-eyed monsters. A lone
horn jutting from their heads. Six
foot wingspan. Money, which they
exchange with us for food, and
which we in turn give to the tax
collector and the building
inspector!
Frank glares.
FRANK
Remember when you used to be sweet
and bubbly and bouncy and naive?
VI
I do.
FRANK
I miss that. Those were good days.
VI
Frank! Customers. Urgent. What
should I do?
FRANK
(beat)
You know, to be honest, I don't
entirely remember.
Vi holds her notepad at arm's length.
VI
I wrote down the things they said.
They said the names of food.
FRANK
Maybe they want me to cook it for
them?
VI
Could be.
He takes the notepad from her, gently.
FRANK
You should go... give them drinks?
VI
It's all coming back to me now.
She walks out of the kitchen, muttering "Drinks, drinks,
drinks" to herself.
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - CONTINUOUS
Vi fills two cups with soda from the machine and carries them
over to the couple at the table.
VI
Here you go.
WOMAN
Thanks.
VI
I'm sure your food will be ready in
a minute.
MAN
Cool.
From the back, a terrible sound. The sound of MANY POTS AND
PANS FALLING.
FRANK (O.S.)
(shouting)
Goddam! Son of a bitch!
The couple's eyes go wide with stunned surprise. Vi grimaces.
VI
I'll be... right back.
And to the back she goes, leaving the alarmed couple as we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Vi enters. Frank is buried under a collapsed rack of
cookware.
VI
What happened?
FRANK
(digging himself out)
The damn rack fell off the wall.
This is what I'm talking about!
Over and over terrible things are
happening to me!
(beat)
I have a spatula lodged in my ass.
VI
I could have done without that.
FRANK
Tell me about it. Just help me get
out of here!
She quickly rushes over, digging through layers of silver as
we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - MOMENTS LATER
The couple sit alone, awkward. Tamsin enters the diner,
looking around.
TAMSIN
Anyone here?
MAN
Uh...
Tamsin sees them, shocked.
TAMSIN
(accusatory)
What are you doing here?
MAN
(confused)
Eating?
WOMAN
(annoyed)
Trying to eat.
TAMSIN
(beat; amused)
Really? How extraordinary.
TYLER enters, from upstairs.
TYLER
Tamsin!
He pauses in his tracks as he notices the customers.
TYLER (CONT'D)
And two total strangers.
He continues on his way to the bad, joined closely by Tamsin.
The two sit next to each other at the counter.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Where's Jamie?
TAMSIN
He went to school.
TYLER
Oh, yeah. I remember school. Play
dough, nap time, cookies... it was
great.
TAMSIN
Well, Jamie's in the ninth grade,
so probably not so much of that.
TYLER
Shame. Some of my best times were
in kindergarten.
(off Tamsin's look)
I peaked early.
Mike and MIKE'S CONQUEST #96 enter the diner. Mike pecks
Conquest on the cheek and walks him to the door.
TAMSIN
Oh, look, another boy.
TYLER
Yeah.
TAMSIN
How delightful.
(beat)
I can't believe him. Little
slapper. Makes me wonder how many
other men he had when he was with
Lon.
Tyler turns on her.
TYLER
Don't say that! He loved Lon! He
would never-- that right there,
that isn't love.
Tamsin rolls her eyes. Tyler turns back to his friend, biting
his lip.
Mike sits next to him.
MIKE
Morning.
Tamsin nods, curt.
TYLER
Good morning. Who was that?
MIKE
(big grin)
The latest valiant explorer to
climb the peak of Mount Mike.
TYLER
You're shameless.
MIKE
I have some shame. I'm ashamed of
you.
TYLER
Well, thanks.
Mike looks around.
MIKE
Hey, where is everyone?
CUT TO:
EXT. DARTWELL ACADEMY - COURTYARD - DAY
Jamie and BEAU BUXTON sit outside at a picnic table, eating
lunch.
BEAU
Hate math.
JAMIE
I don't mind it.
BEAU
Well, that's 'cause you're good at
it. Hell, boy, seems like you're
good at everything. At least if
what I've seen from you so far is
any indication.
(beat)
It ain't fair.
JAMIE
Well, I study very hard.
BEAU
Liar.
JAMIE
Occasionally.
BEAU
You occasionally lie, or you
occasionally study?
JAMIE
What would life be without mystery?
Beau narrows his eyes.
BEAU
You don't talk right.
Jamie LAUGHS at the ironic wording of his new friend's
statement.
He looks around the courtyard, just gazing. Finally he stops
when he sees BRYNN (15), a cute blonde girl in a school
uniform, sitting at the next table, all alone. She looks over
at Jamie. Startled and nervous, he waves. She smiles and
turns away. This catches Beau's attention.
BEAU (CONT'D)
Whoa! Check out the new girl!
Beau drools over the Brynn as she looks back at Jamie. He
BLUSHES as we:
WHITEOUT.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - DAY
The couple is gone. Mike, Vi, and Tyler are likewise gone.
Frank works behind the counter. Tamsin and Fletcher sit at a
booth, going over files.
FRANK
Aagh! Dammit!
Tamsin and Fletcher jump up. Fletcher's hand goes inside his
coat.
FLETCHER
What?
FRANK
I burned my hand!
They relax. Fletcher brings his hand back.
FRANK (CONT'D)
I know I turned this grill off! I
know I did!
FLETCHER
You probably just overlooked it.
FRANK
Overlooked? I'm a man of skill, of
training. I worked black ops for
fifteen years. I don't overlook
anything.
Tamsin and Fletcher look doubtfully at Frank.
FRANK (CONT'D)
Okay. After the tenth time I burned
my hand, I installed an automatic
shut-off switch. Happy?
Tamsin and Fletcher laugh quietly while Frank wraps his hand
with a towel.
FRANK (CONT'D)
All day long with this! I think I'm
cursed or something.
TAMSIN
Frank. You aren't cursed. We have a
warlock right upstairs who would
have noticed.
FRANK
Well, something's going on. Too
much stuff has happened today for
it to be just coincidence.
FLETCHER
People look for connections, Frank.
A few bad things happened today and
your brain is linking them together
to make it seem like you're
particularly unlucky. Everyone has
a bad day.
FRANK
Bad day. Please.
He holds up his hand.
FRANK (CONT'D)
I'm crippled!
Tamsin rolls her eyes and sits back down.
FRANK (CONT'D)
What are you doing sitting, woman?
I'm hurt. Fetch for me a glass of
water and a handful of Tylenol!
You! Aussie! I require an ice cream
cone.
Fletcher smirks and tosses his pen at Frank.
CUT TO:
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